How to give a victim impact statement.
If you’re reading this, you’re likely preparing to write a victim impact statement, and I’d like to offer my perspective. Now, before we dive in, I want to be upfront—I’m not speaking as someone who stood beside you in the victim’s chair. I sat on the other side of the courtroom. I’m the one who committed a crime. I’ve heard victim impact statements directed at me, and I’ve heard of others during my incarceration, even from friends featured on true crime shows. So, while my viewpoint may be different, I believe I can offer something valuable on how to approach this incredibly tough task.
First, let me apologize for what you’re going through. I can’t claim to fully understand your pain, but I know it’s deep and lasting. The trauma you’re experiencing is significant, and likely something you’ll carry forever. In the courtroom, though, you have an important moment—a chance to share, for the public record, how this crime has affected your life, and what you believe should happen next.
Now, I know you might want to express your feelings in the strongest way possible. You might hate the person facing sentencing. You might want them to rot in prison or worse. You want everyone to feel your anger, to know the full weight of your grief and your need for justice—or vengeance. And you have every right to those feelings.
But here’s my humble suggestion: don’t let your impact statement become an attack.
Avoid dehumanizing language when writing your statement. I have encountered many people who had committed terrible acts, but none were truly "evil." They were just ordinary individuals who made devastating choices. There’s nothing supernatural about them. They aren’t special—just humans facing the consequences of their actions. Rather than resorting to predictable attacks or labeling them as "evil," focus on where your real strength lies. Address the impact of their actions without reducing the person to a stereotype or their worst mistakes.
Instead of focusing on the person who caused the harm, focus on the person who was harmed—your loved one, or yourself. When you want to lash out, choose instead to reflect on the love you have for the victim. For example, if you’re tempted to highlight the perpetrator’s struggles with substance abuse, turn your focus toward what your loved one wasn’t.
Instead of saying, “You were a drunk who destroyed my loved one’s life,” you might say, “My loved one led a life full of joy and responsibility. They cherished spending time with family and friends, enjoying simple pleasures like a drink with dinner or a day outdoors. It’s a tragic irony that their life was ended by someone who struggled with what they had mastered.”
Shifting the focus away from the perpetrator’s failures and toward the victim’s life creates a statement that honors the memory of the person you lost, rather than amplifying the person who took them away.
The Power of Forgiveness (and What if You Can’t Forgive?):
Over the years, I’ve heard and seen many victim impact statements, and the ones that truly stick with me are those where victims chose to forgive, or even asked for mercy. We’re drawn to those stories, where someone rises above the pain and transcends the hate and anger that could easily consume them. It’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.
But let me be clear—if you aren’t ready to forgive, and never ever are, that’ is understandable. Forgiveness isn’t a requirement, and no one has the right to demand it from you. If forgiveness doesn’t feel possible, I’d still encourage you to focus on love. Love for yourself, love for the person you’ve lost, or love for the life that has been forever changed by this crime. When you focus on love instead of hate, your words transcend the crime itself, bringing honor to the proceedings and creating something that can help you heal, even in the smallest way. And maybe even heal the world.
Recipe for the Perfect Victim Impact Statement:
Ingredients:
1 pound of love, gently warmed
A heaping cup of impact, stirred slowly to avoid bitterness
2 tablespoons of grace, finely ground (optional, but powerful)
A dash of forgiveness (use only if ready, can be substituted with patience)
1 generous handful of personal memories, deeply cherished
A pinch of anger, carefully balanced
3 teaspoons of raw honesty, measured with care
1 sprig of respect, fresh and crisp
A splash of authenticity, to taste
Instructions:
Start with love: Gently warm 1 pound of love in your heart, focusing on the victim—their life, their spirit, and what made them special. This is the base of your statement and will give it depth and richness.
Slowly fold in the impact: Gradually stir in the heaping cup of impact, making sure to describe how the crime has changed your life. Stir slowly to avoid bitterness, allowing the emotions to settle naturally into your words.
Sprinkle in grace: If you’re able, grind 2 tablespoons of grace and mix it into your statement. If you aren’t ready for forgiveness, grace can still add a powerful layer, showing strength and dignity.
Add a pinch of anger: Don’t be afraid to add a small pinch of anger—just enough to convey the raw reality of your pain. Be careful not to overdo it, as too much can overwhelm the delicate balance of the statement.
Incorporate personal memories: Mix in a generous handful of memories, letting them reflect the beauty and value of your loved one’s life. This will bring a richness and humanity to your statement that transcends the crime.
Balance with honesty: Add 3 teaspoons of raw honesty to the mix. This will ensure your words are real, heartfelt, and resonate deeply. Measure carefully to avoid overwhelming the balance of the statement.
Season with respect: Toss in a sprig of respect to keep your statement dignified. Even in pain, your words should reflect a sense of honor for the victim and the gravity of the moment.
Finish with authenticity: Stir in a splash of authenticity, adjusting to your personal taste. Authenticity brings warmth and sincerity, ensuring your statement is deeply felt and remembered.
Serve warm: Present your impact statement with care, allowing the love and grace to rise to the surface. This recipe may be difficult to prepare, but when served with dignity and heart, it has the power to heal and honor in ways that transcend the moment.
Recipe for the Worst Victim Impact Statement:
Ingredients:
2 cups of boiling hatred, over-stirred
A heaping scoop of personal attacks, finely minced
3 tablespoons of dehumanization, burned to a crisp
1 quart of blame, shaken and bitter
A bucket of insults, thrown in recklessly
1 fistful of grudges, old and stale
1 oversized dollop of revenge, served cold
A handful of frustration, tightly squeezed
1 teaspoon of bitterness, with no room for balance
A sprig of disrespect, wilted and dry
Instructions:
Boil over with hatred: Start with 2 cups of boiling hatred, and make sure to over-stir. Let the anger spill out, unchecked, and scald everyone in the room with your rage. This is your main ingredient, and it should overpower everything else.
Throw in personal attacks: Mince a heaping scoop of personal attacks and scatter them throughout. Be sure to call out every flaw, insult their character, and remind everyone how terrible they are. Focus entirely on the perpetrator, leaving no room for love or remembrance of the victim.
Char the dehumanization: Overcook 3 tablespoons of dehumanization until they’re burnt and brittle. Make sure to refer to the perpetrator as a monster, demon, or anything other than human. This will give your statement a bitter, scorched flavor that leaves a bad aftertaste.
Shake in the blame: Pour in a quart of blame, making sure it’s as bitter as possible. This ingredient should be aggressively mixed in, targeting every fault of the perpetrator without reflecting on your own grief or healing.
Dump in the insults: Don’t measure, just dump a bucket of insults into the mix. The more reckless and unfocused, the better. This will ensure your statement lacks any constructive value and feels more like a rant than a reflection.
Add a fistful of grudges: Grab a handful of old grudges—make sure they’re stale—and grind them into the mixture. These should be things that are only tangentially related to the crime, like old arguments or unrelated personal grievances. They’ll add a sour, outdated flavor to the whole dish.
Top with revenge: Finish with an oversized dollop of cold revenge. This will create a harsh, icy tone and make your statement feel more like a vendetta than a heartfelt expression of your loss or pain.
Squeeze in frustration: Squeeze in a handful of frustration, wringing out every ounce of your anger. Make sure it overpowers any attempt at reason or balance. This is key to ensuring your statement feels chaotic and unstructured.
Bitter to the core: Add 1 teaspoon of bitterness, being careful not to leave any room for healing, grace, or personal growth. The more unbalanced, the better.
Garnish with disrespect: Toss in a wilted sprig of disrespect for good measure. Disrespect for the process, the court, and even the memory of the victim will help ensure your statement lacks any dignity or lasting impact.
Serve cold: Present this statement with a cold, hard edge, leaving everyone in the room uncomfortable and disconnected. It won’t honor your loved one or the process, but it will definitely leave a sour taste.
Thank you for reading,
Kelli
